Funny joke

In honor of my husband's and my anniversary today, I post this joke for a giggle. I don't recall the last time I read something and nodded in agreement so often.

"I can't find it"
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

"Will you marry me?"
MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left.

"It's a guy thing."
MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

"Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?

"It would take too long to explain"
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

"That's interesting dear."
MEANS: Are you still talking?

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

"You know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
MEANS: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, and was wearing a thong bikini.

"Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.

"She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: She refused to make my coffee.

"I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.

"You know I could never love anyone else."
MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.

"You really look terrific in that outfit."
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.

"I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.

"I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.