Current writing thoughts

I feel the need to share some of the bazillion thoughts running through my head. It just feels therapeutic to say them out loud (or type in a LiveJournal) so I can move on.

1) Writing is hard. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but man can it be hard. You have to make sure it's interesting with believable characters. It has to be original, but something that the reader can relate to. Since my books are a series, I have to make some plot points spread out so people would want to read the other books.

2) I need an agent. I don't know why I care at this point since my manuscript isn't finished. But I know that it is a step to eventually take and when it comes to something I want, I'm not always patient.

3) I wish there were 30 hours in a day. I would devote 3 of those to sleep and 3 to writing. Maybe 2:4 - if I'm feeling motivated. I would get things done a lot faster that way.

4) I'm scared shitless of revisions. I think that's why I'm moving a bit slower at the writing - I know I'm going to end up changing it all anyway. At least I'm not editing as I go, I would never finish a book that way.

5) What if I can't do this? What if I have immersed myself into the writing world and community as much as I possibly could and as fast as I could and it doesn't work? What if I spend hundreds and hundreds of hours writing, editing, shopping for agents and publishers, and it doesn't ever sell and I resort to self-publishing. What if I fail? But then I think, I've wanted to be a novelist since I was very young. I would rather fail than never try and wonder if I could do it.

6) When I finish my manuscript, I think I will print it on multiple colors of paper and use it as wallpaper. That will be my writing room. Yes, that sounds like a glorious idea.

7) Will my husband be angry if I plaster our walls with my manuscript?

8) I wonder if the RT conference is worth the money and vacation time. It seems great on paper and from what I hear, but that's a big financial committment.

9) I hope my vampire world is creative enough to be interesting and liked by people. I hope it's not too much like anyone else's. Reading vampire romance makes it difficult to be original, but it helps with ideas and seeing how much can be done. Catch-22.

10) It's hard to focus on one manuscript when another idea is nagging at me. Maybe I should just outline the books in my head and move on.

End of rant. I don't feel any less clouded. Maybe it takes time. But now I can move on to working on my manuscript so that I actually have the right to be freaking out. Right now I'm simply a poser.