Joke of the day

THE DOG'S DIARY:
7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mum! My favorite!
7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

THE CAT'S DIARY:
Day 183 of my captivity...

My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mildsatisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attemptto make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed insolitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait. It's only a matter of time.

Pandora

Didn't I tell you that I'd be posting in addition to the schedule? Ha! I didn't lie.

Check out this kick ass music site. Type in a band or song you like, and it grabs similar type music, a lot from lesser known artists. Then you click on "guide me" and tell it if you did or didn't like the song. It adjusts the station accordingly to your preferences. Pretty groovy.

Pace

Not the salsa, story pace. This is something I've though a lot about in the last few days, especially with the short story I'm working on for the Phaze Samba contest.

When you have 5k-12k to tell a story, moving to slow is a constant worry. Multiply that into an 80-100k novel - it's a major concern. As writers, we hope that someone will devote several hours, at least, to reading our book - finishing it - and liking it.

There are lots of things that can turn a reader off from a book, but I know that if the pacing is fine, I'm more forgivable in other areas because I want to see what happens next. So what if the heroine gets on my nerves a bit, I want to find out if she finds the missing sword to Babylon. However, if pacing is slow, I find myself much more critical of everything else.

This past week or so, I've been reading like crazy. I think I finished five novels. Half of them had great pacing and you know what? I went to those authors Web sites to find out when their next books were coming out. The other books with slow pacing, I didn't bother. I forced myself to finish two of them because I'm not someone who can start a book and not finish it.

So, after reading several articles on help with pacing, I've gleaned a few things that writers should watch out for that could slow down pacing:

• Opening with backstory or not jumping right into the conflict - reader may not be hooked right away and you may never get their attention back
• Long chunks of narrative - dialogue seems key to moving pace, and action, along
• Info dumps, flashbacks, and backstory - good writers can weave in backstory without making it obvious...hopefully I'll get to that point soon ;-)
• Characters thinking, analyzing, talking things out with themselves, etc - use dialogue with someone else to put that info forth
• Useless scenes - if it doesn't move the plot and story forward, cut it out, who cares if the heroine is allergic to water, unless it ties directly to the plot
• Predictability - nothing seems more annoying to me than guessing the ending early on, then reading just to see if I was wrong then finding out I wasn't and having wasted that chunk of my life on reading a predictable book
• Too much explanation - a writer needs to assume the reader will have some level of understanding coming in, so there's no need to explain simple things that don't need to be explained

I need to apply these things to my work...

Studmuffin Wednesday

There's no better way to kick off the new Studmuffin Wednesday feature than Gerard Butler. In a pink shirt. And a kilt. Three of my favorite things all rolled up into one. Sigh.

Critique partners

Lately I've been thinking a lot about critique partners. It seems that most successful writers as well as the aspiring authors that I know have critique partners, good ones. I keep seeing workshops by critique partners who are also best friends or blogs shared by CPs. The CP relationship, at least the ones that work out, seem to be a strong bond and friendship.

How does one go about finding CPs that fit well with your needs and strengths? Many of the CPs I've seen met online and live in different parts of the country. How do they meet? Loop postings looking for CPs? Onling critique services? Meeting at conferences? Through contests?

Once you have found someone who may be a good fit for a CP, how do you foster that relationship? What are the unwritten rules for CPs?

I've shared critiques with a couple of fantastic women I've met online. But it hasn't taken off becuase we didn't have things to share at the same time, or life got in the way. The common things that happen.

I know many without CPs turn to online critique groups or boards. I've tried that too, but I feel like I have to get my work to some level of polishing before I'll put it out there. But I want someone who can read my brain spew of draft 0 and let me know if they feel I'm on the right track or not before I spend tons of time editing and revising.

There seem to be so many things to worry about too, especially when you only know people online. What if you start sharing work with someone but it just isn't working. How do you end it without being a bitch? There's also the concern of sharing work with someone in the same genre and purposely or accidentally absorbing the other persons ideas. It probably doesn't happen often, but I've seen several horror stories on loops about that. What if you're not sure you would be a good CP yourself? I know I'm not sure. Do I have what it takes to spot a sagging middle or to help someone strengthen the likeability of the hero? I have no freaking clue.

I would love to find one or two people to build that bond with. A CP that I can talk to and say, "I've got an idea. This is what I'm thinking, but I'm struggling with this. What do you think?" And they may have ideas I never thought of. And visa versa.

I would like to make a connection with someone while we pursue our writing careers. Someone to share the ups and downs. Help with looking over those first three chapters one more time before sending them to a requesting agent. Or consoling over the woes of the latest rejection.

I think the best thing for me to do is just keep meeting people online and eventually I'll find that one (or two) person who could be a critique partner, and friend.

Those of you who have CPs, I would love to hear how you found them. How long did you look for them? What works with your relationship? Those who don't have CPs, how do you go about finding them?

Blog schedule

In an effort to make my blog more interesting and update it as often as I should, I've created a schedule. It seems to work for others, why not me? This way I can squeeze in all the silly stuff I want without looking like a randomized lunatic.

Here 'tis:
Monday - Writing update as I will have probably done most of the week's writing on Sunday...
Tuesday - Rant on something about life or writing, I'm sure I'll always have something
Wednesday - Hot guy to spice up the middle of the week
Thursday - Writing tips I steal from more experienced people
Friday - Silly stuff (quizzes, jokes, funny pictures, etc)
Saturday - Writing prompt to get our creative juices flowing
Sunday - Book review

And of course I'll add oddball stuff here and there. As I've mentioned before, I like lists. They make me happy. I like schedules. They also make me happy. Thus a blog schedule makes me very happy. I am now at peace.

Let's see, it's Tuesday so I must prepare a rant.

Girl's week

Yes, this week is a girl's week in the Pulliam household. The man of the house it taking a well-deserved vacation this week after a stressful several months. I'm not going on this vacation so it's me and Roxy. Slum-ber-par-tay. If only I had cute puppy pajamas for her.

But she does have bows for her ears now thanks to the groomers at Petsmart.

She looks pissed, I know. I would be too if someone was messing with my anal glands and putting rubber banded bows on my ears. But I digress.

I figured that with the hubby gone I might as well buckle down and write like crazy. I'm a bit behind on my goals for the novel...however I'm doing good on my Phaze Samba submission.

However, after I got to thinking about it, I'm not going to have that much extra time. One evening will be spent shampooing the carpet in our home to get rid of any traces of puppy piss. Another evening will be spent in a laundrymat washing our comforter...to, again, get rid of any traces of puppy piss. A third evening will be spent cleaning our place, I've been slacking lately. Okay, that's three of four evenings down. I guess I can spend the fourth evening writing.

Yeah, it's gonna be a great week.

Review: "Dark Lover" & "Lover Eternal" by J.R. Ward

Wow.

That's what comes to mind when I think of these two books that I read in the past two days. I couldn't put them down, they were that good.

I originally didn't have a strong desire to read them right now. I kept hearing how fantastic they were and I'm the type who waits to read things that people go gaga over because I don't want to jump on the bandwagon. Same reason I haven't read Harry Potter yet. Blasphemy, I know.

But, I was between books and had those sitting in my TBR pile. Hot damn they are good! I loved them both, but Lover Eternal captivated me more. I am in love with these men. Yes, they're fictional but there J.R.'s characterization seems so real. I wish I were a shellan, that's for damn sure. They're so protective and entrhalled by their women.

And although the men have similar language and slang, she's done a fantastic job of making them unique characters. They sound like men, not a woman writing like a man. Plus, her modern incorporation into vampires is wonderful - especially the rap music. I love that. Usually people think heavy metal or goth with vampires, not rap.

These men are vicious and rowdy, but they're still likeable. Not to mention the women are great too. I actually like them, which I can't say for many heroines I read. I generally read for the heroes.

I know I'm rambling, but there are a lot of things running through my head. My first emotion is pure jealousy that I didn't think these up on my own. Dammit. That's quickly followed by happiness that I can read such great stories. At least they exist. The third emotion is need. I NEED to get a hold of Lover Awakened. I NEED to read Zsadist's story. I mean NOW. What do I have to do to get an ARC of that book? Tell me J.R., please tell me. September 5 is too far away.

I wholeheartedly recommend these books. The characters are fantastic, the mythology and the world is original and interesting, and the voice and writing is superb. I'm a devoted fan. Forever. Go buy these books, you won't regret it.

On second thought, don't buy them until the end of August because, like me, you'll be infuriated that you can't get a hold of Zsadist's story until September. You won't want to wait. Trust me on that. Lover Eternal leads into Zsadist's story so you're going to want to keep going.

Quizzes

I'm sick so I'm taking the easy way out on posting today. Here are some fun quizzes :-)

You Are 12% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at low risk for having a borderline personality. It is unlikely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Only medium on the social phobia? Huh.

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions.You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Uh...I'm Scottish...yikes! There's got to be something wrong with the test...

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Leanne Lou Hill

Hillbilly Name Generator

I love it. I now have an alter ego...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

There you have it, folks.

New Web site!

My domain transfer finally went through(and my e-mail is working again) - check out my redesigned site. I also have a contest going for a $25 Amazon gift certificate. If you are familiar with modern vampire films, you're good to go! Even if you're not, enter anyway for a chance to win.

Outline your novel in 30 minutes

Okay, not a honkin' 4k outline or anything. But this is an easy way to get the major points together. It's especially good if you aren't in to full outlines, but need a little guidance to get going without getting stuck panstering.

I've hit a block in my current novel, and this has helped me a bit. I reached a point where I knew where I wanted to begin, where I wanted to end up, but not sure what to throw in the middle. Kind of important stuff.

Here 'tis with an example for each:

OUTLINE YOUR NOVEL IN THIRTY MINUTES
c. 1998 by Alicia Rasley

1. At the start of your book, what distinguishes your protagonist from other people? What central strength does he/she have? How does this strength get him/her into trouble?
Strength: Sue's really good at problem solving. Trouble: She's always being brought in at the last minute to clean up other people's messes.

2. When the novel opens, what is s/he on the brink of doing? Why does he/she say she's going to do this? What does this action represent for the protagonist?
She's just moved into a new town and has volunteered to do the stage managing for the community theater. She says that theater work is fun, and she'll get to make new friends. This represents her attempt to become part of the new community.

3. What external situation will require the protagonist's participation throughout the course of the book? How does this connect with #2? Does it help or interfere? Can you build in a deadline for extra tension?
The community theater's director absconds with all their money. If they don't somehow pull off an economical but successful Hamlet performance in a week, the community theater will go bankrupt.

4. What is the protagonist's goal for the time the book covers? How does this connect with the external situation? Or does the external situation divert the protagonist from his/her goal? Why does the protagonist SAY he/she wants the goal? Is there a deeper motivation as yet unknown to him/her?
She wants to participate in a successful theater presentation. She says it's because it will be good for the community. A deeper motivation is that she needs to be part of a cohesive group or she'll be lonely and lost. All the problems in the external situation will be obstacles to participating in a successful presentation.

5. What problem (external conflict) does the external situation present? How can the protagonist eventually resolve that conflict?
She is dragooned into taking over direction of the community theater's performance of Hamlet one week before the first show, and she's never directed a play before. She's a good problem-solver, and she will use these skills to tackle all the theater's problems.

6. List at least three obstacles in the way of her resolving this conflict. Make one an internal obstacle/conflict.
There's not enough money for costumes.
None of the other actors think Sue can replace the gifted Stockinsky, the former director.
The actor playing Hamlet is a drunk.
Five days before the performance, her mother announces she hates her nursing home and wants to move in with Sue.
The theater's roof is leaking and rain is predicted for performance night.
Internal-- Sue's need to be part of a group and be loved makes it hard for her to take charge and say no.

7. How will the protagonist grow because of confronting these obstacles?
When she has to fire the drunken Hamlet and replace him with a young inexperienced understudy, she learns to trust her judgment, assert her authority, and risk alienating her fellows. That is, she becomes a leader.

8. What do you want to happen at the end of the book?
I want the production to be successful despite some last-minute problems, and I want her to accept her position as leader.

9. What will have to happen to the protagonist against his/her will to make your ending come about?
Sue will have to get the courage to fire the popular Hamlet actor and still use her people skills to rally the shocked cast. She'll also have to inspire the understudy to a great performance.

I found #6 to be most helpful in what I'm currently struggling with. I've been looking at it as needing to create a series of events that lead to each other. Instead, I just need to think of a few key obstacles, then guide them together. The word 'obstacles' really helped me too. In other help tips I've found they're called turning points or plot twists. But really, they're obstacles.

Visit the site for more info on how to incorporate what you answered into the outline.

You HAVE to read this

Check this out over at P.C. Cast's blog. It's too funny!

I also saw two stories today about students putting ex-lax in their teachers food and drinks. WTF? Granted, there were a few teachers I would have liked to give ex-lax laced cookies too, but I didn't actually do it! Let alone my mom didn't offer to help. Well, if I asked...again...there were a couple of teachers... Now if we're talking about college professors, that's a whole 'nother ball game ;-) Some of those math professors I had in college! Ex-lax would have been the only way to get rid off the stick up their ass.

Editor/agent appts

Only 13 days until RWA opens the editor/agent appointments for nationals to the general membership. I looked at the list of editors and agents - I'm not sure who to try for! Especially with the editors, I believe only one of them is a print publisher that accepts the type of paranormal I'm working on. I don't want to submit CtLBtH to an e-publisher yet. If I can't get into that editor, I will probably skip that portion. I don't want to waste the time of an editor, or take an opening from a member, if it wouldn't be a good fit.

Now the agent appointments are harder. There are several agents I would like to meet with, about a third marked paranormal as a genre they are interested in. I figure the best plan of attack is to choose my top five, in order. Then when the time comes to register, I'll have back-ups prepared in case my top choice(s) are already booked.

Although I haven't looked that hard at agents as I'm not at the point of submitting, I think I may have found one I really, really want to work with. She reps several of my favorite authors, all in the same genre and each have a different publisher for their paranormal books. Needless to say she seems to be well connected when it comes to pushing paranormals. Not to mention these authors publish non-paranormals too, which is something I want to do. Unfortunately she's not on the agent list for nationals. Hopefully she'll be there at least, maybe I can introduce myself and tell her how awesome her authors are.

Off to try and meet my writing goals for the week...

Goals - no time like the present

Sorry for the boring post, a lot of this is for my own benefit. :-) I've decided to make some writing goals for several reasons.
1) Creating them gives me definitive deadlines to work toward
2) Posting them on the blog forces me to be accountable for the ones that are in my control
3) It gives me reasons to use some fantastic excuses when I don't reach them - just kidding!
4) I really like making lists, especially bulleted lists. It's a passion of mine. I've even made a list of lists I've needed to make. Muhahaha!

Okay, here are my goals as of today. I know, I know. This looks INSANE. But, I'd rather push for insane, I'll get more results that way. Now that my puppy needs less maintenance, I can get back to writing in the evenings. I don't have kids and my job is pretty steady and 8-5 most of the time, with some freelancing, so I really should have the time to do this.

I can write anywhere from 1-2k per hour, depending on if I already know what's going to happen (need to outline...). That means 10-20 hours per week on WIP, thus averaging 1.5-3 hours per day heavy on the weekends. Given a one hour lunch break most days, this seems doable. First I need to trim down my reading. I'm reading 1-3 books a week! Then I need to squeeze in time for some shorter works to submit for e-publishing.

May
10: Complete short story and submit to Freya's Bower for anthology (fingers crossed!)
12: Outline major plot points of "Cursed to Hate, Bound to Love (CtHBtL)" - no more panstering
14: 30k on CtHBtL
15: Complete first draft of short story for Phaze HeatSheet Samba submission
21: 50k on CtHBtL
28: 70k on CtHBtL
31: Complete first drafts of stories for themed anthology e-pub submission & Phaze Samba submission

June
4: Reach 90k on CtHBtL & submit Phaza Samba story
11: Finish draft one of CtHBtL
15: Finish three stories for anthology
25: Begin revising CtHBtL
30: Submit anthology of short stories to e-publishers

July
25: Complete CtHBtL in time for RWA Nationals (and the Write-On! deadline for a nifty t-shirt!)

August
1: Write synopsis and query letters
7: Begin book two in Last Hunter Series or another book - haven't decided if it looks better (to agents) to be working on the next in a series, or something entirely different in case an editor doesn't want the series (gulp!)
11: Send out agent queries then relax the next couple of weeks while I participate in festivities for my brother-in-laws wedding

By the end of the year I hope to have accomplished these goals:
1) Complete CtLBtH
2) Complete at least first draft of another novel
3) Be e-published in at least one short story
4) Find an agent!

Let's hope I'm still with these goals come May 31...

Romancing the blog

My Open Blog Night submission made it on Romancing the Blog today - check it out! Also, I have a new Web site coming this week. I'm just sitting on the transfer process to complete. It's purty :-)

Writing progress

I'm taking a little break from my manuscript. I hit a point and didn't know how to proceed through the next chunk of the book. So, I began writing the last chunk of the book and figured I would go back and connect the two together. That's been working pretty good, but I keep getting frustrated about that missing part.
In order to keep the writing alive, I've worked on a couple of short stories. This is pretty odd for me, I've never been good at short stories or had much of a desire to write them. But, I figured they would be good practice for developing character arcs, and writing is writing, right?

On Saturday while I was working at a registration table for a work event, I pulled out my trusty little Alphasmart and wrote 5,000 words on a short story. Bam! That felt pretty damn good. I'm hoping to write a few of them for a themed anthology I could submit to an e-publisher.

I also learned of an opportunity to submit a story based on a certain topic for a specific anthology. So, I'm writing a story for that. In the first chunk of my lunch break today, I wrote 400 words. The story can be between 3k and 10k. I've got an idea of what's going to happen so I'm going to write it out then flesh it out if need be.

I'm really liking the idea of writing some short stories and possibly even novellas. I think it will keep things fresh and exciting while I'm working on novels, so I don't get too bogged down.

And, to be honest, assuming I can actually get e-published - the instant gratification would be really nice! That would be a great boost and motivation to keep working on longer works.

All in all writing is going well and I'm feeling good about it.

Hilarious joke

Women are evil by nature (courtesy of kitt4444 on Katie MacAlister's message board)
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room!"

Review: "Date Me, Baby, One More Time" by Stephanie Rowe

Recently I won a copy of Stephanie Rowe's latest book, "Date Me, Baby, One More Time" from multi-author blog The Midnight Hour.

In two words: buy it!

It's a great story. Here's the blurb from Stephanie's Web site.

IF YOU THINK LIFE IS COMPLICATED, TRY IMMORTALITY.

Justine Bennett is cursing her life. She’s the Guardian of the Goblet of Eternal Youth, she hasn’t left the house in ages, and it’s been over 200 years since she’s had sex. Oh, and the Goblet has shape shifted into an espresso machine. Not exactly the stuff grand destiny is made of...

Derek LaValle is worried. Due to a family curse, he’ll be dead in the space of a week unless he finds the Guardian of the Goblet of Eternal Youth and beheads her. Which wouldn’t be a problem if she wasn’t so sexy, smart... and ready to behead him right back.

Derek LaValle is worried. Due to a family curse, he’ll be dead in the space of a week unless he finds the Guardian of the Goblet of Eternal Youth and beheads her. Which wouldn’t be a problem if she wasn’t so sexy, smart... and ready to behead him right back.

If you feel a bit lost by the excerpt, such as who the people are and what's going on, don't worry. That's not the opening of the book. You'll understand things very well when you reach the excerpt, and you'll be very excited to reach it once you've met the characters ;-)

The best part about the book was the conflict. The conflict was apparent right away, there was no "coincidental conflicts" that are hard to believe. The characters were straightforward with their feelings and intentions, which made the conflict even better!

I also loved how all the loose ends were tied up by the end of the book. I hate when I read a book and have some questions remaining that weren't answered, and it's not a cliffhanger so there's no reason for them not to have been. I digress.

The characters are great too - I rooted for them throughout. Lastly, I would like to add that I never thought I'd have the hots for Satan. You read me right, Satan. You'll just have to get the book to find out what I'm talking about!