A humorous post for you kilt aficionados

I thought this was hilarious. Posted by The Scottish Teabag Society on MySpace. Was on of his blog entries. Enjoy!

Crikey woman! Get your drunken hands out from under my kilt!
Current mood: Hoping for warm hands.
Category: Hoping for warm hands.

I'm sure you have also been a victim my friends. There you are, minding your own business and WHOSH! a sudden gush of cold air up your kilt and some drunken woman is trying to make her way thru the pleats in your kilt. I for one can't figure out how they get lost trying to get thru, but somehow they do. It would seem as easy enough task, you are one side of the kilt, my bare arse is on the other. You take a straight line thru and BINGO you get to grope me buns. But no, somehow there is some sign that a poor drunken girl follows that says "turn here", or "no, no, go this way" and they become hopelessly mired.

Now, it's one thing for an intoxicated woman to come up to you and ask if she can look under your kilt. You look for the police officer not to be in the immediate proximity, or the boyfriend to be of smaller stature than yourself, and you gracefully smile and tell her "well of course my dear". But after two or three minutes of hopeless groping your good humor is at an end. Especially when you are trying to maintain the conversation the women interrupted with your lady friend or potential lady friend. It breaks the rhythm if you know what I mean.

Being a gentleman, it is unacceptable to scold the woman. The only chivilous thing to do is help her of course! The easiest method as all kilt inspectors will tell you, is to take her hand and guide it up the side of your leg and quickly maneuver her hand around to the back before she can get her sharp, drunken claws into the front of you. Dangerous? Of course! But you knew the risk when you put your kilt on lad, there is nothing for it but to be bold, and quick!

As a seconary method, it is acceptable to lift the kilt for the woman. This has distinct advantages and disadvantages. If the woman appears to be very agressive, you may lose your ass if she is allowed to go in alone. And on the other hand, she may be faking her drunkeness and is just lulling you into a false sense of security you'll still lose your ass. So, save your ass and lift it for her.

I have had hundreds of women approach me. But my favorite groping from a woman was one that didn't say a word. She was walking behind me, raised my kilt, gave me arese the most loving little stroke and then continued walking on, with out even a "thank you very much". Ahhh, but the beauty and grace of her move was most excellently played.

So watch your ass out there mates and enjoy yourselves.